Paper Wishes
by tehyabella
Summary: This was my entry for the *fanficmyfanfic* contest For Hezpixie's "Paper Heart"   Picking up after the split – Nine weeks later. This is their new ending


**Fanfic My Fanfic Contest **  
><strong>Name of the fic you are fanfic'ing: <em>Paper Heart by Hezpixie<em>**  
><strong>Word Count:<strong>  
><strong>Full Summary: <strong>Picking up after the split – Nine weeks later. This is their new ending.

**To view other entries, go there: http:/www (.) fanfiction (.) net/~fanficmyfanfic**  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> _Song lyrics used in this story belong to those wonderful artists (both in the song and lyrics used in the characters dialog). SM owns Twilight, and Paper Heart is the rightful property of the ever-lovely and uber -talented Hezpixie. I'm just a fan of both. Super-duper shout out to my wonderful super beta Jess. Crazy mad love to her fine skills. Without her this would just be one giant run on sentence._

**~I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken, and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived. ~ Margaret Mitchell**

**Bella**

It's been nine weeks…sixty-seven days, to be exact. Sixty-seven long days of missing him, hating him, loving him, and not understanding why I was left to feel this way… wondering why his decision was the only one that mattered… longing for it to be his voice on the line when I answer the phone… aching to be waiting here for him and not Alice tonight… wishing it was his beautiful hair I was seeing in the coffee house across the street.

I check my watch, seeing that she should be here any minute. This has become our new thing-karaoke every Friday night. Alice seems to think I'll get noticed singing cover tracks and one hit wonders in a smoky bar in downtown New York. I let her have her hopes. Being on a stage and singing is the only small happiness I have here as of late.

I start reaching for my phone when that beautiful head of hair catches my eye leaving the coffee shop. And my heart stops for just a moment. It's him.

_Breathe, Bella._

He's never looked as good as he does tonight-walking with Alice and Jasper, the street lights shining down on him like a spotlight from heaven, laughing. He looks so happy, and my heart feels like it's ripping in two all over again.

"Bella!" Alice yells, grabs a quick kiss from Jasper, and runs across the street to meet me. But all I really see is him. Then he looks at me, but it's like he's looking right through me, and then he just walks away.

"Hey," I say as she hugs me. I wipe away the tear that has escaped as I realize I'm still living with goodbye, and he's just going on with his life.

Alice holds both my hands. "Oh, Bells, I'm so sorry. I thought I'd be here before you. Are you okay? What's wrong?"

I swipe at my watering eyes, still watching his retreating form disappear. "How can he just walk on by, without one tear in his eye? Doesn't he have the slightest feeling left for me?"

"I'm sure it's not that. Maybe that's just his way  
>of dealing with the pain," she tells me as she digs through her bag and hands me a tissue.<p>

"By forgetting everything between our rise and fall?  
>Like we never loved at all? We loved, Alice; God, did we love. I just still don't understand why he gave up on us."<p>

She pulls me into the club and says, "I know he loved you. I just think that was the problem."

"And I love him. I just think _that's_ the problem," I tell her before I order our first round.

We spend the rest of the night singing along and catching up. After seeing Edward tonight, I can't help but finally ask about him. It hurts hearing his life is the same, just without me in it. But I need to hear it. I need to feel it deep in my bones, so that maybe it will wash this numbness away… some sort of closure… something besides a stupid note and a phone call.

"Bella Cullen," the DJ announces. So I take another drink and make my way to the stage. The music starts, and the lights dim,

so I close my eyes and sing out every ounce of feeling I have. This is my world-under the heat of the lights with the wood creaking beneath my feet. The only difference between this and acting is that this is me; there's no character for me to hide behind. I'm ready to bare my soul for everyone in this room and, most importantly, myself.

My heart bleeds out with every note as I picture every moment we shared-from the beauty of the beginning to even the agony of the ending…

_-I miss my friend  
>The one my heart and soul confided in<br>The one I felt the safest with  
>The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again<br>And let the light back in  
>I miss my friend-<em>  
><em><br>_

All my regrets, my dreams, every ounce of pain and sorrow, flow and weave themselves into each of the lyrics.

_I miss the colors that you brought into my life  
>Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes<br>I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now  
>Saying it'll be all right<em>

I let myself go until there's nothing. I no longer hear the music or register the heat of the lights. My soul begs with the lyrics of the song for freedom, to let the pain leave-to allow myself to escape this hell.

_I miss my friend  
>The one my heart and soul confided in<br>The one I felt the safest with  
>The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again<br>And let the light back in  
>I miss my friend<em>

But it's a losing battle. While my soul begs for release, my heart and body betray me. And I can feel him. I can feel the current of emotions that surge through me when he's near me.

_I miss those times  
>I miss those nights<br>I even miss the silly fights  
>The making up<br>The morning talks  
>And those late afternoon walks<em>

I miss my friend  
>The one my heart and soul confided in<br>The one I felt the safest with

I finish the song, and when I open my eyes and try to blink back the tears, he's there, standing against the wall in the back. And for a moment, I think he's hurting as badly as I am.

So I make my way off the stage, ignoring the applause and a teary-eyed Alice, and head towards whatever hope there is left.

He looks down as I approach. He waits until I'm in front of him to meet my eyes, and the pain I see in them makes my chest constrict. "Bella," he says, "would it be okay if we talked? I know you're here with Alice…"

I interrupt him. "Of course. Just let me text her I'm leaving." I send Alice a quick message and try to compose myself. My hope is far outweighing my hurt and anger.

I close my phone and ask him, "Where to?"

He runs his fingers through his hair and looks out towards the parking lot. "It's nice out; would it be okay if I walked you home?"

I nod and go on through as he holds the door for me. We walk a while in silence, neither of us knowing where to begin. He looks so sad and maybe a little nervous. I need to tell him how much I've missed him, that we can work all this out. "Edward, I-"

"Bella," he interjects, "I need to just tell you this. God, I don't know how we ended up here. I never meant for it to be this way. This all ended up so far off the mark, and it's my fault. I broke every promise I ever made to you, and you didn't deserve that. I broke every promise I made myself."

We're just outside my new apartment now, so he gestures to a bench by the steps, and we sit down.

He stares across the street with a hint of a smile playing across his mouth. "Do you remember how we used to laugh until we cried? I haven't laugh, really laughed, in a long time. You always did bring light into my world." His smile fades, and he stares down at his feet. I can feel my heart hammering away in my chest, wondering what he's going to say next.

"I've thought about that often these past weeks. Looking back at the first couple years, we really did have it all." He looks over and quirks his lip at me.

I sigh. "We did, didn't we?"

He reaches over and runs his fingers gently across mine. I can't help but smile, thinking back to those times. It's hard, and we've spent a lot of time apart. But when we're together, it's unexplainable. The happiness just radiates out of both of us.

"Even that last day. The day I called you. I never should have left you with so many unanswered questions. I'm so sorry, Bella. And I've gone over that decision a hundred times. It killed me to leave you, and it's hurt every minute since I did. But I thought about why it hurt. Because if it hurt so much, why did I say it?"

His eyes lock with mine, and I can practically feel him  
>looking into my soul. I know what's coming; my heart can feel it before my mind has even had time to register everything he's saying.<p>

"Because it hurts so much more to keep holding on to something that isn't there. Our happiness was gone. We both knew it; we were only holding on to what once was."

I know he's right, but my heart is still breaking. I'll love this man with or without things being like they were long ago. I'll love him for the rest of my days, but he really is leaving. Well, he's already gone, but my hope is leaving with him this time.

I wipe the tears from my eyes while he continues to rub soothing circles into my other hand, where I'm desperately clinging to him, knowing this will be the last time I'll ever be able to touch him.

I look into his eyes, eyes that seemed so full of pain and regret that I can't understand why he's doing this. "Edward, you can't want this. I love you. You can see how much it's hurting both of us. Why can't we just try?" My voice is barely above a whisper.

He grabs both my hands and holds them in my lap, squeezing them as he says, "Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you. I'm hurting, and I wish you weren't, but letting go is when love hurts most of all. And we have to let go, Bella."

My tears run hot down my cheeks. My breathing is ragged and slow. I want to scream from deep inside me, to run and not hear his words. If I don't hear them, I can keep my hope. But I'm frozen. There isn't any changing his mind. This is it. He wants to give me the answers to all my unanswered questions. He wants to give me the one thing I so desperately searched for: closure.

His head hangs again as he tells me, "Pictures never replace having been there; memories, good or bad, will bring me tears. And words can never replace all my feelings for you, Bella." He pauses and looks back up to me with his own tears streaking down his face.

"It's weird, you know? Knowing that the end of something great is coming, but you want to just hold on, just for one more second, just so it can hurt a little more. I wish we could have worked-that I never broke any of my promises. I wish I could have been enough for you."

I choke back a sob, seeing the emotions run across his face. I wish I could say something, but nothing I could say will change this. So I hold onto every word and squeeze his hands with all my might, grounding myself in this moment.

He raises my hands to his mouth and presses them to his lips, holding them there as he fights to control his emotions. He moans and steadies his breath.

"My God, how I loved you, Bella. And I still love you enough to give you this one last goodbye. You gave me more to live for than you'll ever know, and this is the only way I can repay you: by letting you go."

He places a whisper of a kiss on my forehead and quietly says, "Goodbye, Bella. I love you so," before he quickly stands, and then he's gone.

"Goodbye, Edward. I love you too." I get up from the bench and move towards my building, wiping the tears from my face and hoping to be inside before my emotions bubble out.

I look back once more to see him walking away, and I know for certain I need to move on. I just don't know if there's anywhere to go that will ever compare to where I've been.

**A/N: Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts.**

**Thanks for reading! I really enjoyed fanficing one of my all time favorite fics :0) I hope you all have read Paper Heart by Hezpixie and loved it as much as I did, and can see why I couldn't give them a HEA. **


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